Climbing out of a Funk

Hello again. Thought I'd drop in for a second day in a row and see if anything was hopping. No? That's okay by me, frankly, because today I want to vent, and I don't want my anger to slop over onto someone else. I think it's part of my problem today.

Yes, someone's anger (about something I don't even CARE about) slopped over onto me this morning, and I've had a tough time shaking it off. I've allowed a small handful of things to bubble up inside me and it's making me a not happy person. I don't like being a not happy person. One way for me to get this crud out is to write, so if anyone's out there, you get to smell my nasty anger-farts. Or anger-belches. Whatever.

I'm ticked at my boss. Not even for boss-like things but for being negative and having a poor self-image. Either she used to be really positive and self-confident and that's slowly chipped away over the years, or I didn't see the real her. Either way, she's hard on herself, and I'm taking it personally. That's just silly, I know. She says frequently that she's really fat. Sure, she has some fat, everybody does. But she's really this little lady who's in really great shape. Her bottom's a little flat, but that's certainly not a fatal flaw. I'm about her same height and probably 25-25 pounds heavier, so to hear her say she's fat, I start to wonder, if she thinks that about herself, what does she think of me? So I'm irritated that she probably thinks I'm a fat cow, and I'm irritated that I'm letting someone else's bad trip affect how I feel about myself.

I'm ticked at an ex lover. You heard me. No, it's not about our way back then relationship stuff. We still talk most every day. He's married, I'm in a relationship, and we still talk every day. There's still some attraction there, though we've kind of agreed it's jacked up and won't happen, so it doesn't. Lately, he's gotten really absorbed in a new little hobby and he's ignoring me! Which of course, just reinforces the jacked up and won't happen scenario, and maybe is a good thing in that respect, but I feel like I'm losing my best friend to something I can't even fight. It's a stupid GAME, for crying out loud.

My teacher is ... let's just say I have a growing list of things she's done wrong in our class. That damn comma cost me two points, dangit! And I want a perfect score on just one paper! Maybe she's pushing me to be better, but really, a two-point comma? I saw oodles of red squiggles on that baseball player's paper and he still got a 75, so if you're taking off 2 points per correction, then he needs a lot less red marks or a lot less points, one of the two. That's probably my biggest problem with her. Inconsistency. She says a thing will be this way and then it's not. She marks a rough draft one way then grades it another. We get points off for being unprepared, but she doesn't. Maybe it's just a bad term for her and I should giver her a bit of slack, but dangit, I'm paying for this shit. Erm... no I'm not. I'm so poor, the federal government is paying me to go to school, remember?

And last but not least on my current frustration pile, I can't go see my kid play in what will probably be the finals of the regional tournament. Two are out of town, one is leaving early, a fourth is covering another position. There's nobody left to cover for me to go see my kid win a game that will take them to the state tournament, and I'm not happy about it. Really. Like trying not to cry not happy.

In an attempt to drag myself out of my funk, I will go to aerobics with my fat boss this afternoon. And I will not eat the last cookie. I will listen to music that makes me smile, and I will focus on fun memories. Like the 2009 Superbowl party I went to, where someone brought this cake for Randall.

Good times!!

Return from Absentia

I was just thinking I should check in here. The pace at work has slowed down monumentally, to the point that I'm scrambling for things to do to at least look busy, and as I began my scramble, I also began to think... was it about this same time last year I was trying to blog? Do you know I had to look up my password?!? That's how long it's been since I've been here. That's shameful, and if anyone has been watching, you have my apologies.



What's new here? School's new here. I finally enrolled at one of the local community colleges and am taking ONE WHOLE CLASS! Since it's been twenty-four years, I decided I should start slow in an attempt to keep my sanity. Next semester and every term thereafter, I will take a minimum of six hours to keep me eligible for a wee bit more financial aid.



The really good news is I'm poor enough that the federal government is paying for ALL my tuition and fees and leaving me some to take home. The extra money has become my new photography fund, and I'm seriously looking forward to next semester when I will have enough to buy a new digital SLR (should have done that from the beginning). And in the meantime, I'm fighting the urge to buy a much cheaper pocket digital camera, just to have one to drag around with me.



Some of the really bad news is that I'm being audited by the IRS. This is not as bad as it might sound though, as I have all the documentation I need to prove the numbers I originally provided. Yes, it was scary opening that envelope, but once I got to reading, I realized my butt is pretty well covered, and if it's not, I don't believe it's really my fault, just a lack of knowledge on my part. I'll try NOT to blame TurboTax if I do end up having to pay anything extra and just thank my lucky stars that I have the money in savings.



So how about a phot? I have taken very few pictures since this time last year, but thankfully, I've taken a bunch recently. Sadly, few of these are any good, so this may be a crap shoot. Let's see what we can find, eh?

I actually have never liked this photo, or at least the completely cluttered composition. The primary subject, however, totally slays me. I love little Wilbur and that he took up so much of that pitcher. He was the biggest puppy in that litter, bless his fat little heart. May he rest in peace.

Two Favorite

First up, an all time favorite critter of mine: the Okapi. I love their velvety brown coats, the zebra-like stripes on their legs and their curious body shape that leads the mind down evolutionary trails.




Next, a new favorite: the red panda. This little guy wore the same curious and cute expression through our entire visit with him. He always looked pleased to see us!

Magic at the Office

I had to stop by my office early Sunday morning to pick up some cash I had stashed there for just such an occasion, and because the ATM at my local 7-11 was not reading my perfectly functional card. Across the street from my building I discovered a near perfect half circle of toadstools... a fairy ring!

Bug out

The bug on the wall in my office.

15 - Puzzle

I have a smallish collection of puzzles, mostly steel or wood, of the sort where you remove a ring, or fit the blocks together in the right configuration. As I have picked up more, more have come to me. Friends that know of my collection occasionally stumble on a new puzzle and think of me, sometimes acquiring it for me. I am grateful to those thoughtful friends that do such little and important things for others.


Here is the latest puzzle, from SM and her mother. S's mom passed away late last year and S has spent many hours travelling to be with her father and help him sort through all the contemporary details associated with death.

Thank you, S.

Bug in my office